One day I was standing in front of a group of black children and was curious to find out how much they knew about their history (I will use the term black because not all of them are African American, some were of Caribbean heritage.) I asked them how many of them knew that blacks had been slaves in this country and in the West Indies. Eighteen sets of wide, curious brown eyes stared back at me, confusion misting over their small faces. Two students confidently raised their hands while the rest glanced around in shame for not knowing. At this point they must have felt my disappointment. I wasn’t disappointed in them, however I was disappointed in the school systems, disappointed in myself for not discovering this fact earlier and even more disappointed in their parents. Sigh.

Let me begin by giving you some background: I am a teacher. Yes I am an actress, a part time model but most importantly I consider myself an ACTIVIST. I have worked in many different schools and have progressively watched the divide get wider and wider. What divide? The divide in seperate but equal, the divide in rich vs. poor, the divide between the achievement of black students vs white students. I earned my Masters Degree in Education from the University of Pittsburgh at the age of 22 and have ONLY stayed in the field of teaching because of my passion to at least change a few lives along the way. NOTHING, besides being a mother has been as fullfilling throughout my life as teaching. However, sometimes as a teacher I wonder if I am more of a part of the problem than the solution.

I work in the public school system in a lower socioeconomic area where I am convinced that we are educating future workers instead of leaders. I am restricted. I must only teach what is on the curriculum (or lose my job) and because our school dropped in “letter grade” (meaning the state govt has flagged us as underacheieving based on standardized tests and the No Child Left Behind Act) I can only teach what will be on the test. In fourth grade that means we teach reading, writing and math… ALL DAY. What about music you ask? Each student in that school will only experience music class every other day for 9 weeks TOTAL out of the school year. Art? No art in our school. Physical Education? Same rotation as music, nine weeks total. Environmental Science? Nope. Regular science? Dont think so, its not on the 4th grade test. How about social studies you ask? Sorry. Not on the test. I mean, how do we EXPECT our children to catch up to other schools/children when we continue to shortchange them in areas that are PROVEN to ENHANCE education? I had a student tell me that Jamaica was the neighboring state to Florida!! Why isn’t anyone saying anything? Didn’t we all go to school to make a difference in the lives of children? How can we sit idly by and watch them test, test, test, test their way out of creativity? I can’t. Money is running everything. Teachers barely make what they deserve so they cant afford to lose their jobs! Principals have their hands tied by their bosses and their bosses (area superintedents) are being run by district superintendents who are being run by school boards (most of whom have NEVER even been educators.) Oh. I guess we are back to politicians and their bought and paid for positions. Sound kind of similar to my blog on private prisons? People are being bought and our students are the ones who are suffering. This leaves education up to the parents.

Parent, Parents, Parents! You are your child’s FIRST teacher. Please dont be so naive to think that the day they enter kindergarten that your job is done. No, No, No! Today is Dr. King Day and I really woke up with a lot on my heart. Parents, we have to teach our babies where we have been as a people to know where we are going. Where is our sense of pride? What happened to oral history? Why, why, why, do our babies know more about popular culture than their own culture? They know Lil Wayne lyrics but certainly don’t know the words to the “I Have a Dream” speech. What is wrong with this picture? Other cultures have pride! I see Cuban children that can tell me all about their heritage and culture. I meet Haitian children that can give you a complete run down on their countries past. Why are African American children falling so far behind the curve? Why do so many of them in these schools NOT CARE? I have many questions and I know the answers are deep. I know that the system was created for us to fail. I KNOW that blacks in America have had an uphill battle. I even know of many well to do black communities being broken up, kicked out of homes and not given any money from their stolen losses or property to move forward (a great example is the Hill District in Pittsburgh, PA.) From Jim Crow Laws to the privatization of prisons (second coming of slavery in the United States) blacks in America have had to FIGHT!

Why don’t many of our children know about this fight? Why aren’t they being taught about the struggle to vote, to even buy clothes or shoes, eat in restaurants or attend schools? Why don’t they know about segregation? Why don’t they know that the melanated world was thriving when Europeans were still crawling around in caves? WHY AREN’T PARENTS DOING THEIR JOBS????

Maybe if students could feel pride in their ancestors achievement they wouldnt base their success and pride off their material possessions. Maybe instead of lining up for HOURS to buy Jordans they will line up for HOURS to register to vote! Why are we CHOOSING in this day and age to ignore the rights that our ancestors fought so hard to acheive? Would Dr. King be proud? Has his dream really been fulfilled? I could type for days…. It’s up to us whether or not we overcome. We have a lot of work to do. Are you with me?

Trapped

When a person is diagnosed with any mental illness they may experience feeling a lot of shame. The public seems to have a lot of negative thoughts associated with people that have any form of mental illness. What people don’t understand is that it is not something anyone chooses to have or enjoys dealing with anymore than a person diagnosed with cancer. Also, just because they have the illness does NOT mean that everything they say and do that offends you can be attributed to their “disease.” Although having a mental illness is not a death sentence, it is something that doesn’t go away. They have to deal with it and the ramifications of it every single day. The best thing you can do is be supportive and remember that it is not always “them” you are dealing with daily.

So let’s talk specifically about Bipolar Disorder. What exactly is it?

Bipolar disorder means that a person will have extreme mood swings in which they go from very high and energized (manic) to very low, unmotivated and depressed. The high periods can last from a few days to a month or more and the low periods usually last much longer. The low periods can last from several weeks to even several months. About 1 in every 50 people in the United States has bipolar disorder.

What are the symptoms?

During a manic phase the person may be feeling overly happy or excited OR they may be overly irrirable or angry. They can so things that are very impulsive during this time like drive recklessly or spend a great deal of money unwisely. They may also experience symptoms of depression other times which can include feeling very sad, down, irritable or anxious, losing interest in people or things, sleeping to much, having little or no appetite, trouble concentrating or making decisions, feeling fatigued or low in energy, moving or talking slowly, feeling very bad or guilty about themselves or contemplating suicide (or actually carrying out suicide attempts.

It is very important that if you have a loved one that suffers from bipolar disorder that you learn to recognize their “triggers.” Once you understand that you can avoid those places, things, or activities that can bring on a episode. Try to remember that it is not your fault when/if they snap or yell at you or even say thing you know they don’t mean. Reading many blogs and comments from those with bipolar have a similar theme with failed relationships. Either they avoid them altogether in hopes to not hurt anyone, or they experience many failed relationships because it is hard to find a partner that can deal with their mood swings. People with bipolar long for “normal” relationships that won’t be disrupted by their mood disorder.

What causes bipolar disorder?

Bipolar disorders means that a person has dysregulations in the emotional regulation “circuitry” of the brain, especially the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex. It’s possible that the imbalances are inherited from blood relatives. Amny people that abuse drugs and alcohol sometimes are people that are trying to self medicate their bipolar disorder. A significant portion of the homeless population also suffers from some form of mental illness.

Treatment?

Treatment will most likely involve mood stabilizing medications such as lithium, Depakote, Lamictal, etc and be in conjunction with taking an antidepressant as well as possible anti anxiety medications. Therapy is also very useful. Many people have trouble taking medications because it makes them feel very zoned out or even kind of blah. I know that when I took medication (I am diagonsed with a less severe form, Bipolar 2) I felt like a zombie and all my creativity was washed away. I guess for some people they choose between crazy or boring. LOL.

Bottomline?

Be supportive of your neighbor, friend, girlfriend/boyfriend, husband/wife, or parent/child with bipolar disorder. They need as much support and patience as you can afford to give. Remember, we are all One, just different branches from the same tree. Don’t give up on your loved ones.

FAMOUS/CREATIVE PEOPLE DIAGNOSED WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER

Russell Brand, actor/comedian
Kurt Cobain, musician
Patricia Cornwell, American crime writer
DMX, rapper
Mel Gibson, actor and director
Macy Gray, musician and actor
Linda Hamilton, actress
Ernest Hemingway, writer
Demi Lovato, American actress, singer
Friedrich Nietzsche, philosopher
Sinéad O’Connor, musician
Ozzy Osbourne, singer
Edgar Allan Poe, poet and writer
Jackson Pollock, American artist
Axl Rose, lead singer and frontman best known for Guns N’ Roses
Nina Simone, American singer
Britney Spears, singer
Jean-Claude Van Damme, actor
Vincent Van Gogh, artist
Pete Wentz, musician
Delonte West, American basketball player
Amy Winehouse, musician
Catherine Zeta-Jones, actress

My Light..
Rushing through my veins, the best drug in the world…I’m high..
Swimming through my soul, the most beautiful mermaid…I’m high..
Twirling and dancing and singing and Loving
It gets no better than this…until…
Pounding in my chest, pounding in my chest…anxiety grips my mind
Not knowing, not knowing…Not knowing if the feeling will last
My drug…
Crashing down around me like glass from a shattered mirror
My world goes dark…
Smell the sadness and anger in the room
Through dialated pupils I can see..in the mirror..The mirror!
I turn away, horrified at what I might see…who’s there?
Gone is my perfect image…the image…my image?
I catch a glimpse in the mirror of a reflection
But only a monster stares back at me…
Who are you? Where do you come from? and Why?
She stares back and laughs…she laughs..shes laughing at me!
As I cry, she laughs but she begins to look just like me
Rushing through my veins, the worst drug in the world…I’m no longer high…
Swimming through my soul with as much grace as a monster truck..I’m low…
No more twirling, no more dancing, no more singing, no Love…
Only lonliness remains
I sit alone and look for my Light…
But only the monster remains
Staring at me
I search for My Light, My Light..Where did it go?
She scared it all away. Again.
I should be angry, but
Shes all I have left now so I embrace her…
After all, she’s Me.

Poetry by Aisha Thalia

"Depression"