Trapped

When a person is diagnosed with any mental illness they may experience feeling a lot of shame. The public seems to have a lot of negative thoughts associated with people that have any form of mental illness. What people don’t understand is that it is not something anyone chooses to have or enjoys dealing with anymore than a person diagnosed with cancer. Also, just because they have the illness does NOT mean that everything they say and do that offends you can be attributed to their “disease.” Although having a mental illness is not a death sentence, it is something that doesn’t go away. They have to deal with it and the ramifications of it every single day. The best thing you can do is be supportive and remember that it is not always “them” you are dealing with daily.

So let’s talk specifically about Bipolar Disorder. What exactly is it?

Bipolar disorder means that a person will have extreme mood swings in which they go from very high and energized (manic) to very low, unmotivated and depressed. The high periods can last from a few days to a month or more and the low periods usually last much longer. The low periods can last from several weeks to even several months. About 1 in every 50 people in the United States has bipolar disorder.

What are the symptoms?

During a manic phase the person may be feeling overly happy or excited OR they may be overly irrirable or angry. They can so things that are very impulsive during this time like drive recklessly or spend a great deal of money unwisely. They may also experience symptoms of depression other times which can include feeling very sad, down, irritable or anxious, losing interest in people or things, sleeping to much, having little or no appetite, trouble concentrating or making decisions, feeling fatigued or low in energy, moving or talking slowly, feeling very bad or guilty about themselves or contemplating suicide (or actually carrying out suicide attempts.

It is very important that if you have a loved one that suffers from bipolar disorder that you learn to recognize their “triggers.” Once you understand that you can avoid those places, things, or activities that can bring on a episode. Try to remember that it is not your fault when/if they snap or yell at you or even say thing you know they don’t mean. Reading many blogs and comments from those with bipolar have a similar theme with failed relationships. Either they avoid them altogether in hopes to not hurt anyone, or they experience many failed relationships because it is hard to find a partner that can deal with their mood swings. People with bipolar long for “normal” relationships that won’t be disrupted by their mood disorder.

What causes bipolar disorder?

Bipolar disorders means that a person has dysregulations in the emotional regulation “circuitry” of the brain, especially the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex. It’s possible that the imbalances are inherited from blood relatives. Amny people that abuse drugs and alcohol sometimes are people that are trying to self medicate their bipolar disorder. A significant portion of the homeless population also suffers from some form of mental illness.

Treatment?

Treatment will most likely involve mood stabilizing medications such as lithium, Depakote, Lamictal, etc and be in conjunction with taking an antidepressant as well as possible anti anxiety medications. Therapy is also very useful. Many people have trouble taking medications because it makes them feel very zoned out or even kind of blah. I know that when I took medication (I am diagonsed with a less severe form, Bipolar 2) I felt like a zombie and all my creativity was washed away. I guess for some people they choose between crazy or boring. LOL.

Bottomline?

Be supportive of your neighbor, friend, girlfriend/boyfriend, husband/wife, or parent/child with bipolar disorder. They need as much support and patience as you can afford to give. Remember, we are all One, just different branches from the same tree. Don’t give up on your loved ones.

FAMOUS/CREATIVE PEOPLE DIAGNOSED WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER

Russell Brand, actor/comedian
Kurt Cobain, musician
Patricia Cornwell, American crime writer
DMX, rapper
Mel Gibson, actor and director
Macy Gray, musician and actor
Linda Hamilton, actress
Ernest Hemingway, writer
Demi Lovato, American actress, singer
Friedrich Nietzsche, philosopher
Sinéad O’Connor, musician
Ozzy Osbourne, singer
Edgar Allan Poe, poet and writer
Jackson Pollock, American artist
Axl Rose, lead singer and frontman best known for Guns N’ Roses
Nina Simone, American singer
Britney Spears, singer
Jean-Claude Van Damme, actor
Vincent Van Gogh, artist
Pete Wentz, musician
Delonte West, American basketball player
Amy Winehouse, musician
Catherine Zeta-Jones, actress

My Light..
Rushing through my veins, the best drug in the world…I’m high..
Swimming through my soul, the most beautiful mermaid…I’m high..
Twirling and dancing and singing and Loving
It gets no better than this…until…
Pounding in my chest, pounding in my chest…anxiety grips my mind
Not knowing, not knowing…Not knowing if the feeling will last
My drug…
Crashing down around me like glass from a shattered mirror
My world goes dark…
Smell the sadness and anger in the room
Through dialated pupils I can see..in the mirror..The mirror!
I turn away, horrified at what I might see…who’s there?
Gone is my perfect image…the image…my image?
I catch a glimpse in the mirror of a reflection
But only a monster stares back at me…
Who are you? Where do you come from? and Why?
She stares back and laughs…she laughs..shes laughing at me!
As I cry, she laughs but she begins to look just like me
Rushing through my veins, the worst drug in the world…I’m no longer high…
Swimming through my soul with as much grace as a monster truck..I’m low…
No more twirling, no more dancing, no more singing, no Love…
Only lonliness remains
I sit alone and look for my Light…
But only the monster remains
Staring at me
I search for My Light, My Light..Where did it go?
She scared it all away. Again.
I should be angry, but
Shes all I have left now so I embrace her…
After all, she’s Me.

Poetry by Aisha Thalia

"Depression"

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It took me a couple tries to write this blog due to its sensitive and personal nature. The passing of Amy Winehouse really hit me hard and shook me to my core…not because it wasn’t somewhat expected, but because we all have an inner Amy somewhere. Some of us let her out every day, other contain her deep within. As I sat back in shock in tears at the news that Amy Winehouse passed away I couldn’t help but feel that a piece of my soul died as well. I was an Amy fan and I understood her! I too suffer from a form of mental illness. Is that easy for me to admit? No. Initially the diagnosis made me feel like a loser, a failure, a psycho. Bipolar 2 may not be as severe as Bipolar 1, but it’s nonetheless debilitating. The highs are HIGH. The lows are VERY LOW and the rollercoaster of emotions can scare even the best of friends away. The embarrassment sometimes that comes after a particular moody outburst or manic period can be devastating. You feel as if you hurt the people you care about most.

My inner Amy.

When I read interviews that Amy Winehouse did over the past years the signs were all there…admitted clinical depression, substance abuse, pain. Part of what made Amy so wonderful is how HUMAN she was. She felt heartache, experienced lost love and combined it with a voice from the past. She sounded nothing like any current pop stars. Soulful: clearly been here before, no nonsense, raw and believable.

Your inner Amy.

Have you ever felt that same pain? Have you ever felt that music was your way out? Drugs? Destructive behavior? Although I myself never experimented with drugs to numb my pain I could totally relate with her need to escape.

Amys all over…

Have you ever walked past a person and thought, “Damn, they are crazy as hell.” Well, they might be. It just may be due to the lack of sympathy, empathy and funding toward MENTAL HEALTH of ALL of our citizens. Physical health gets so much more attention. If we so much as SNEEZE we are given 15 remedies to alleviate cold symptoms. However, when we show symptoms of mental distress we are told to “get it together.” What is that??? How will that help? SIGH.

I hope that by speaking out I can be a source of inspiration to other young women that are going through any kind of mental distress that IT GETS BETTER WITH WORK. It takes a strong team of supporters and for you to GET HELP! Counselors, meditation, medication, group therapy, etc can all be a serious help. I encourage each one of you to peel back the onion layers and love yourself for exactly who you are. Remember, you are not alone.

"He walks away, the sun goes down. He takes the day but I am grown. And in your grey in this blues shade...my tears dry on their own." - Amy Winehouse