It took me a couple tries to write this blog due to its sensitive and personal nature. The passing of Amy Winehouse really hit me hard and shook me to my core…not because it wasn’t somewhat expected, but because we all have an inner Amy somewhere. Some of us let her out every day, other contain her deep within. As I sat back in shock in tears at the news that Amy Winehouse passed away I couldn’t help but feel that a piece of my soul died as well. I was an Amy fan and I understood her! I too suffer from a form of mental illness. Is that easy for me to admit? No. Initially the diagnosis made me feel like a loser, a failure, a psycho. Bipolar 2 may not be as severe as Bipolar 1, but it’s nonetheless debilitating. The highs are HIGH. The lows are VERY LOW and the rollercoaster of emotions can scare even the best of friends away. The embarrassment sometimes that comes after a particular moody outburst or manic period can be devastating. You feel as if you hurt the people you care about most.
When I read interviews that Amy Winehouse did over the past years the signs were all there…admitted clinical depression, substance abuse, pain. Part of what made Amy so wonderful is how HUMAN she was. She felt heartache, experienced lost love and combined it with a voice from the past. She sounded nothing like any current pop stars. Soulful: clearly been here before, no nonsense, raw and believable.
Your inner Amy.
Have you ever felt that same pain? Have you ever felt that music was your way out? Drugs? Destructive behavior? Although I myself never experimented with drugs to numb my pain I could totally relate with her need to escape.
Amys all over…
Have you ever walked past a person and thought, “Damn, they are crazy as hell.” Well, they might be. It just may be due to the lack of sympathy, empathy and funding toward MENTAL HEALTH of ALL of our citizens. Physical health gets so much more attention. If we so much as SNEEZE we are given 15 remedies to alleviate cold symptoms. However, when we show symptoms of mental distress we are told to “get it together.” What is that??? How will that help? SIGH.
I hope that by speaking out I can be a source of inspiration to other young women that are going through any kind of mental distress that IT GETS BETTER WITH WORK. It takes a strong team of supporters and for you to GET HELP! Counselors, meditation, medication, group therapy, etc can all be a serious help. I encourage each one of you to peel back the onion layers and love yourself for exactly who you are. Remember, you are not alone.
"He walks away, the sun goes down. He takes the day but I am grown. And in your grey in this blues shade...my tears dry on their own." - Amy Winehouse